History

I was thinking earlier about how much I love History and how I try to learn more every chance I get. I had this thought. It's in the bible *not exactly in these words* that there is nothing new that is happening or will happen under the sun. So I connected this to our history. History and future are one in the same. If nothing new is happening, then the things that happened in the past are going to happen again. So..knowing your history means you also know your future..for the most part. Life does throw those curveballs every now and then 

MoodChanges

I blame the moon. For being full of it. I wish the parents would take responsibility for their own behavior. I wish people would realize there's more to life than just living. There's dreaming...and that's where you really live. We all live within our dreams. With or in them. This is not a poem for wishful thinkers. This is a thought for wistful thinkers. I remember when I could dream without regrets. Remember when every dream was just a thought away? It's been so long. Since I've really dreamed. I used to dream about being free. Writing my heart out on chocolate covered backs...that's a poem in the makin. But first I gotta get over this hump. I think it's called Wednesday. 

Nonsense

I kept thinking about this poem I want to write. It begins like this.. Nothing much, In a world of nothingness I am everything. But in this world where there's everything. I am nothing. I was nothing. But to you..who have nothing. I have everything. Am I shallow. Or am I deep. My eyes pool with emotions. And then I get angry and quit. No more trying because this shit is worthless. Everybody expects Krystal to be clear. My mind is full of static. And it's so frustrating. Shocking even. This is how my poems end up. Unfinished. Like everything else in my life. I'm not sure If you realized this but the poem began and ended with nothing. My whole life is a big never mind..it's nothing.

What if...

This whole world is filled with What ifs. Our lives are filled with those moments where we make decisions that could have the potential to torment us for the rest of our lives if we allow it to happen. Luckily this post isn't about regrets..it's about questions. I had this idea today while heading home from work. A full day of 22 four and five year olds. I wondered if what if what we are is an idea. What if our whole world is someone's idea. You could use God for this if need be. It might get my thoughts conveyed to y'all a little better. Imagine God is a person...you. Where do your thoughts come from. What about your dreams. What if we're just a dream and every death is just a God waking up. I'm not finished with this by a long shot but I'm done dreaming for the day

Nap time

I'm watching my students at nap time. They don't understand how good they have it. I'm 24 and I pray for naps. I love these children. I'm actually pretty happy. Teaching kind of fills the need of having my own children. Instead of mommy, it's  Ms. Roberts and my favorite part of our relationship is that they get to go home. Lol 

Can't stop...won't stop

My blogging is like my life. One word-Chaotic. Two words- time consuming. Life is time though. Whether you're spending it on others or yourself. Whatever you're doing. It's not stopping. Just like life. And that's where my thoughts are today. Time  and it's restrictions on life or maybe life, and it's restrictions on time. However you wanna look at it. My aunt passed away. March 4th 2014 and it feels like I just spoke to her at church because I did. While I'm not crying on the outside..I'm bawling. Even now. My heart doesn't know how to deal with this even though that's exactly what it's doing. Dealing. Involuntary coping. I've been wanting to write so much, but clearly I haven't. I wanted to tell all of my friends how proud of them I am. But I haven't. I just assume that they know. My thoughts are so jumbled. Everything I'm thinking of...it's going down. I wish people would read this. But they don't, and yet...I still write. Even when I don't want to..I think about doing it. Back to time and life. This time not as morbid. Well relationships are pretty horrifying so maybe..yeah. This could get a little scary. I want one. I want the love, the arguments, the companionship..everything that a relationship entails but I don't want to give it. Not me. I'll take it though. Whether that makes me protective or selfish..who knows. I'm lonely though. All these friends. But I still feel alone. And that my non-existent readers is where the problem lies. I would rather have someone to tell these thoughts to than to write it out. That also fits in with my being lazy so eh..lazy or lonely. Lazy sounds better to me. Poems coming soon. No lies just truths.