Can't stop...won't stop

My blogging is like my life. One word-Chaotic. Two words- time consuming. Life is time though. Whether you're spending it on others or yourself. Whatever you're doing. It's not stopping. Just like life. And that's where my thoughts are today. Time  and it's restrictions on life or maybe life, and it's restrictions on time. However you wanna look at it. My aunt passed away. March 4th 2014 and it feels like I just spoke to her at church because I did. While I'm not crying on the outside..I'm bawling. Even now. My heart doesn't know how to deal with this even though that's exactly what it's doing. Dealing. Involuntary coping. I've been wanting to write so much, but clearly I haven't. I wanted to tell all of my friends how proud of them I am. But I haven't. I just assume that they know. My thoughts are so jumbled. Everything I'm thinking of...it's going down. I wish people would read this. But they don't, and yet...I still write. Even when I don't want to..I think about doing it. Back to time and life. This time not as morbid. Well relationships are pretty horrifying so maybe..yeah. This could get a little scary. I want one. I want the love, the arguments, the companionship..everything that a relationship entails but I don't want to give it. Not me. I'll take it though. Whether that makes me protective or selfish..who knows. I'm lonely though. All these friends. But I still feel alone. And that my non-existent readers is where the problem lies. I would rather have someone to tell these thoughts to than to write it out. That also fits in with my being lazy so eh..lazy or lonely. Lazy sounds better to me. Poems coming soon. No lies just truths.